I (35M) have been married to my wife (34F) for 8 years, together for 12. We have two kids (5 and 3). Over the past few years, our relationship has deteriorated. My wife has become increasingly critical and, honestly, mean. She snaps at me over small things—like how I load the dishwasher. She’ll make snide comments about my appearance, my job, or how I parent, often in front of others. It’s frequent enough that I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.
I’ve tried talking to her about how her words hurt, but she either dismisses it as me being “too sensitive” or turns it around, saying I’m not doing enough to support her.
I’ll admit I’m not perfect—I work long hours, and sometimes I’m not as present as I should be—but I try my best to be a good husband and dad.
I do chores, help with the kids, and plan date nights, but nothing seems to soften her attitude.
Here’s the issue: her behavior has killed my attraction to her.
I used to initiate sex regularly, but now I can’t bring myself to. The constant criticism has built up so much resentment that I don’t feel emotionally connected to her anymore. Worse, when we do try to be intimate (usually because she initiates), I can’t perform.
I’m not sure if it’s stress, resentment, or both, but I physically can’t get an er8ction.
It’s embarrassing, and it’s made things even worse because now she thinks I’m rejecting her or that there’s something wrong with her.
Last week, we had a big fight about it. She accused me of not being attracted to her anymore and said it’s my fault our marriage is struggling. I finally snapped and told her the truth: her constant meanness has made me resent her, and that’s why I dread sex and can’t perform.
She got really upset, called me a jerk for blaming her, and said I’m just making excuses for my “problem.” Now she’s barely talking to me, and I feel guilty for hurting her feelings, but I also feel like I was just being honest.
I’ve suggested couples counseling, but she says she doesn’t need it and that I’m the one who needs to “fix myself.” I’m at a loss. I don’t want our marriage to fall apart, but I can’t keep living like this, and I don’t know how to move forward when her behavior is such a turn-off.
BonJourno.com readers, AITA for neglecting intimacy because of her meanness and blaming her for my performance issues?
